I talk with parents who know what they believe about biblical sexuality but still ask me a practical question: How do I talk about this with my kids? They want to teach God’s design, prepare their children for what they may encounter, and make sure their kids feel safe coming to them with questions.

That’s why I invited Elizabeth Urbanowicz, founder of Foundation Worldview and author of Helping Your Kids Know God’s Good Design, onto Calibrate Conversations. During her years teaching at a Christian school, Elizabeth noticed that students could know Bible stories and the expected answers yet struggle to evaluate messages they encountered elsewhere. Our conversation was full of practical ways parents can begin building that foundation at home.

Our kids need more than a list of rules

I shared with Elizabeth that, when I was growing up, I knew what I had been taught was right and wrong. But when I began struggling with sexuality, I didn’t feel like I could talk about it. I don’t want parents to stop at teaching their children a standard. I want us to know what’s going on in their hearts and apply the gospel to their lives.

Elizabeth agreed. She said our ultimate goal in teaching biblical sexuality is that our children would know the goodness of God, recognize their need for Jesus, and delight in him. The conversations we have about sex, marriage, and identity belong within that larger story.

Make it an ongoing conversation

Parents often ask when to have “the talk.” My answer is that we should have thousands of talks. We can talk with our kids over time about relationships, marriage, the desires they experience, and the questions they bring to us.

Elizabeth recommends beginning these age-appropriate conversations around age four, or sometime between ages four and six. She wants parents to introduce children to what they believe about God’s good design before a troubling experience becomes the child’s introduction to sexuality. She also made a point I hope parents hear: if your child is already older, it is not too late to start. The conversation will simply look different at a different age.

I know these discussions can bring up our own discomfort or shame. Elizabeth encouraged parents to consider whether their experiences have shaped the way they talk about sex. If a parent did not follow the standards they now want to teach, she said they can speak honestly in a way appropriate to their child’s age and point to God’s grace. When a parent is still struggling with sexual sin, Elizabeth called for confession, repentance, and help from church elders or a biblical counselor.

Prepare kids without teaching them to live in fear

I asked Elizabeth how we can prepare children for inappropriate images. She suggested beginning with something familiar: look at good pictures together, such as photos of family and friends. Then, in simple terms, explain that some pictures are inappropriate and give children a response they can remember: stop looking, run to a parent or another safe adult, and tell them what they saw.

I appreciated that she returned the conversation to the good pictures. We want our kids to be prepared, but we also need to pay attention to how each child responds. Our goal is to keep the door open for them to tell us what they have seen or experienced.

We also discussed protection from sexual abuse. Elizabeth recommended teaching children the anatomically correct names for their private body parts, explaining appropriate privacy boundaries, and practicing what to do if someone crosses those boundaries: say “stop,” get away, and tell a parent. She was clear that no plan can guarantee a child will never be harmed. She encouraged parents to set wise boundaries at home and to notice sudden changes in a child’s behavior, while recognizing that those changes can have many causes.

As parents, we need to know our children well enough to keep asking questions. I don’t want us to ignore these risks, and I don’t want fear to keep us from welcoming people into our homes and participating in church life. We can put sensible safeguards in place while teaching our kids that they can come to us.

Teach conviction and kindness together

Near the end of our conversation, I asked Elizabeth about another question families bring to me: How do we help our kids respond when a loved one makes choices outside what we teach about God’s design?

Elizabeth gave parents a simple approach to practice with their children: recognize what they’ve been taught about God’s design, remind themselves of that truth, and be kind. She explained that it isn’t a child’s job to go around pointing out a relative’s sin at a family gathering. Parents can help kids show ordinary kindness by asking about someone’s life, listening, and treating that person with care.

That’s a valuable note to end on. We can teach our children what we believe while making room for their questions and helping them treat the people around them with kindness. And we can keep having these conversations as they grow.

Elizabeth shares more guidance in Helping Your Kids Know God’s Good Design. You can find her resources at Foundation Worldview, and more conversations and resources from our ministry at Calibrate Ministries.